Puffer love: the story of one fish’s epic quest

Once upon a time, there was a puffer. A poor, lonely soul, this puffer latched on to any being that so much as glanced at him, including of course photograph-taking scuba divers.

Our hero.

He floated hopefully alongside them as they explored his world, hoping that someday, one would stay and be his companion.

He was a poor, lonely soul.

But alas, this was thus far a fruitless quest.

Rejection is hard.

Poor, lonely puffer. He just wants to be loved. Is that too much to ask for?

And then, one day, he saw her.

The one!

She was a beauty, much more attractive than the alien divers, and she blended in perfectly with her surroundings (a sign of true beauty, of course). This was the one! She must be! It was destiny.

And so our hero made his approach.

It’s destiny.

Things got off to a rocky start, with the lovely lady puffer displaying little interest. “She’s just playing hard to get,” he told himself. “She LOVES me!”

Obviously she’s just playing hard to get.

After some time, he began to question his conviction. This was quite a long game of chase.

But, just when he began to turn away in sorrow, she showed interest! It appeared his perseverance would be rewarded.

A glimmer of hope!

They shared a moment, nose-to-nose, and all his hopes were confirmed. She was the one. His destiny.

Love at last!

Their love for one another now proven, our puffer friend moved in for what now seemed like a foregone conclusion. It was time to consummate their relationship.

Time to consummate.

But look! It appears lady puffer has other ideas. Her face says it all. NOT INTERESTED.

Oh no. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go.

His eyes nearly bulge out of his head in concern as he sees the opportunity slipping away.

What’s happening?!?!?!

He was so close! After all this time, all these failed attempts, this was his destiny! He had been so sure.

So sure, in fact, that he continued the pursuit.

He doesn’t give up easily.

But alas, it wasn’t meant to be. Not this time. Fortunately a grouper, guardian of the sea, was there to see him off.

Groupers: protectors of the lady puffers.

And he did not live happily ever after.

Wise grouper.

The end.

Moral of the story

Lesson learned: Women do what they want. You don’t get to dictate their love for you! Sorry Mr. Puffer. You clearly didn’t deserve her.